Welcome, to the Heart Pyre. This is episode 28, The uncertainty of reality.

CW: anxiety attack, heavy self-doubt, loss of reality

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[SFX city noises, multiple footsteps, over time the city noises get muffled and there’s a louder breathing noise]

Rena and her companions didn’t stay long at Asha’s family’s house, just long enough for Maniala to force a bag of food onto them and make Asha promise she’d visit more often. They needed to return to the safety of their rooms in the Broken Mast Inn but not without finding Logan and Finn first. In the hope that the two men were still at the palace, they made their way through Hrevim’s narrow alleyways, avoiding any major streets to reduce the likelihood of running into Silac or Deacon. A strange feeling enveloped Rena as they passed through these tight lanes as if her body was once more trapped between buildings and her lungs couldn’t expand. Her mouth ran dry and a cold sweat chilled her back. She held on to Asha’s robes, not wanting to fall behind and be left alone. She still didn’t truly understand what had happened as she’d run after the fox and to be quite honest, she’d avoided thinking about it as much as possible. It had surely only been her nerves who’d made her feel like the buildings had been pressing in on her. She’d lived through a lot over the last days, her companions told her as much, it was no surprise she couldn’t fully trust her perception anymore.

And Rodrick might be right. Even if the fox was a real animal, how could she guarantee it was actually trying to communicate with her. The concept alone was outlandish. Even if Silac had these strange powers, and even if the Crow thought they were bringing back old Gods, why would a mystical fox be talking to her? Be telling her to hurry? What was so special about her? It had been so vague with its instructions anyway, it might all just have been a figment of her imagination. A strange way for her mind to rationalize all that had been going on.

Her eyes darted around, her heart beating erratically in her chest. Could she still trust her own perception? The others might have seen the fox but the cities were full of foxes. She was the only one who had heard it speak. The fox’s mouth hadn’t even moved, the voice had been entirely in her mind. How could she ever have believed that the fox had actually spoken? It seemed so clear to her now that it had all been her imagination.

The buildings around her kept inching closer, almost grazing her shoulders. She could still feel it on her skin how she’d had to push herself out of the narrow alley only hours before, how empty her lungs had been for her escape. They cramped up again, forcing her to breathe in short bursts. She held on tight to Asha’s arm and luckily Asha didn’t complain or truly even notice. Asha’s shoulders were set tight, her gaze focused on the path ahead, scanning any face who dared pass them. Barely any people were walking through these side streets and most of them simply greeted them politely, nothing to be wary about, although it seemed almost impossible for their entire group to rest easy.

Time stretched into eternity for Rena, as if they would never emerge from Hrevim’s underbelly, as if the palace had been swallowed by the ground and they would never be able to reach their destination. She wished any of her companions would say something, she’d even listen to Rodrick ramble on about the difference in architecture between Hrevim’s districts. This silence was choking her, amplifying the oppressive presence of the surrounding walls. Her brain was about to implode and she didn’t know how to save herself from it.

[SFX crowd noises grow louder but are still in the distance, breathing abruptly stops, footsteps stop one after the other]

Kalani slowed down, holding her hand up to stop the rest of the group.

KALANI (quietly): I don’t think there’s an easy way to find Logan and Finn without going into the palace’s crowd. We just have to hope that luck is on our side and Silac hasn’t made his way here yet… Or if he has, that we spot him before he spots us.

Rena craned her neck past Asha and Kalani and was blinded by the lights beyond the alley’s end. They had the perfect view of the palace, shining bright white on its hill, a million colourful ants swarming around it. Blue, red and white ribbons had been tied to the lamp posts leading up to it, blowing calmly in the breeze. The air flowed into their alley, filling Rena’s lungs with cold, expanding them until her chest hurt.

RODRICK (unsure): Maybe if some of us stayed in the safety of the alley, one brave soul could venture forth into the crowd to find our missing companions and our chances of being seen by nefarious eyes won’t be as high.

ASHA (mocking): Are you scared, old man?

RODRICK (nervous): Well, Asha… I’m not above admitting that this situation has not particularly filled me with the greatest sense of security.

Rena almost agreed with him but at the same time she wanted to run out and leave these alleys far, far behind. Danger seemed omnipresent wherever they went but at least she would be able to breath out in the open. If only they could already be back in their rooms, her heart might settle again.

Kalani shifted, a contemplative frown clouding her face.

KALANI (hesitant): I don’t think splitting up is wise. If something happens to any of us, the other party might not know about it until it’s too late. It’ll just make us lose too much time and we don’t have a lot of it left.

RENA (worried): Kalani’s right. I-I don’t think we should split up anymore. Nothing good came of us splitting up this morning.

KALANI (solemn): Let’s just hope Logan and Finn are still here. A lot could have happened in the last few hours.

[SFX crowd noises get louder, footsteps start again]

They slowly spilled out of the alley, Kalani leading the way. Rena focused on her breathing, forcing it to stay calm as her eyes carefully scanned the crowd around them. Masses of people moved in and out of the palace’s massive entrance like the waves of the ocean, all becoming one and threatening to pull Rena and her companions into their core.

The group advanced slowly, staying on the edge, their necks craned to see above the sea of heads. Dread ebbed through Rena anytime she saw black hair or a hint of orange, no matter how illogical it was that the fox would appear at the same height as people’s faces.

RENA (excited): There!

Rena’d spotted Logan’s curls to their left, her heart skipping a beat at the realisation. He was pushing his way through the crowd, a grim expression on his face. She excitedly waved at him before thinking better of it. Her hand came down just as quickly as it had shot up but it seemed to have been enough for Logan to turn their way. His expression momentarily grew heavier but then his eyes met Rena’s and his face instantly lit up. He enthusiastically waved back and corrected his course to head towards them.

ASHA (murmur): [big sigh] Did he never learned anything about being discreet?

[SFX footsteps coming closer]

As Logan and Finn emerged from the crowd, Rena noticed that they were wearing different clothes from that morning. Finn was clad in a golden yellow coat and beige trousers while Logan had donned dark blue trousers, a green vest and a cape that matched his trousers.

RENA(astonished): What are you wearing?

LOGAN (quiet voice): We wouldn’t have gotten into the palace with our regular clothes, now would we?

RENA (confused): B-but where did you get them from?

LOGAN (cheeky): A store.

ASHA (deadpan): He stole them.

LOGAN: I did no such thing! I exchanged them fairly against something of equal value.

ASHA (deadpan): Which you stole.

LOGAN: That is not the point we’ve been discussing.

Finn kept looking back to the palace’s entrance, his whole body rigid. He barely blinked; his jaw set tight as if he was anticipating something bad happening.

RENA (uncertain, a bit scared): Is everything alright?

LOGAN: Well… not everything but it’s manageable.

KALANI: We shouldn’t stay here to chit-chat. Let’s get back to the inn.

Kalani’s stance had never relaxed – arms crossed as she scanned the crowd entering and leaving the palace.

LOGAN (more cheerful than he should be): So what kind of situation have you folks gotten yourself into?

KALANI (serious, murmur): Silac’s in the city.

RENA (small voice): And Deacon.

LOGAN: Ah, how wonderful! Let’s organise a big fest for all these reunions! Finn’s sister is also in town!

RENA (astonished, unsure): Your sister?!

Rena looked at Finn, a smile forming on her lips which quickly fell when she saw Finn’s expression. The muscles in his jaw clenched as he glanced at her for a moment, his eyes ablaze with something resembling fear, before they darted back to the palace’s entrance. His hands clenched tight at his side, before opening wide and clenching again, the motion repeating incessantly.

RENA (small voice): So, not a good reunion then?

LOGAN: Apparently not.

KALANI (restless): We can discuss all these grandiose things once we’re somewhere quieter. Let’s go!

Kalani turned around and didn’t wait for any of the others to follow as she sped past the crowd and headed back to the narrow alley they’d come from.

[SFX footsteps, crowd noises fade into the distance again]

Dread slowly crept its way over Rena’s back again as they approached the alley. She needed to distract herself, to not think of her surroundings anymore. She latched onto Logan’s arm and let the rest of the group lead the way.

RENA (excited): I also met someone else! Someone from Oceansthrow. An old friend of my father’s. I’m not the only one who survived!

LOGAN (astonished): Oh, shit, really? How’s he doing? Why’s he here? How did he survive?

RENA (regretful): He’s hurt pretty bad, actually. Didn’t have my luck. He might lose sight in one eye… And he’s here with Deacon, strangely enough… and some lady from the historical academy.

LOGAN: Deacon? Why? [sigh] What’s that guy planning again?

RENA: I don’t really know. I guess the Historical Academy helped Jesper recover and Deacon latched on to that. I don’t really get it. But he’s really, really focused on finding you. He knew that I was travelling with you. I tried to downplay how well we knew each other, not sure he believed me though.

LOGAN: [big sigh] I’ve got better things to do than deal with that guy.

RENA: I don’t think Jesper should stay with them. I really don’t know what the Historical Academy wants to do with him but it’s certainly nothing good, and I don’t think Deacon is the most trustworthy companion either. Jesper deserves better than them.

LOGAN: If we could avoid running into Deacon, that would be grand. He’ll get bored of looking for me eventually.

RENA: What did you do to him that he hates you so?

LOGAN: Just some disagreement.

RENA: I don’t think “just a disagreement” turns into such a wild chase. What did you disagree on?

[small pause]

RENA: About the train? That’s what you’ve been trying to gather information on, right?

LOGAN (dismissive): Kinda.

[Small pause]

RENA: You really don’t want to talk about it?

LOGAN: Nope. Now tell me more about Jesper? Who is he? You said he’s a friend of your father’s. So have you known him for long?

RENA: (big sigh). Yeah, all my life.

As they followed Kalani through most of Hrevim back to the Broken Mast inn, Rena told Logan about all the old memories she had of Jesper, about his goats and the cheese he would gift her family. About her parents’ bakery and her four siblings. About her uncle and aunt and their children she would visit almost every day. About all that had been taken from her so brazenly.

Thinking about it hurt less and less each day and talking about her family and her life unravelled some knots deep within her that she had barely been aware of. She almost wished the journey back to the inn could last longer, that they could walk slower through the city, just so she could tell Logan more about her family. It made her ignore that they were passing through the same alleys as before, that she had felt miserable just a few moments ago. But with Kalani’s pace it took them no time at all before they crossed the threshold of the lopsided building that was the Broken Mast Inn. They didn’t stop until they’d passed through the long, labyrinthine hallways that led them to their rooms, making sure that no one was following them.

[SFX happy dog noises, light gas hissing in background]

Relief flooded over Rena as they reunited with Vincent. She fell down to her knees and let the dog run to her, burying her hands and face in his fur as he happily fidgeted in her arms. She had barely even noticed how worried she’d been about him with everything that had been going on but seeing him happy and healthy relaxed at least some parts of her body.

[SFX porcelain on ground, water pouring into porcelain, wrapper noises]

Rodrick took the bowl of the wash basin off its stand and placed it on the ground near Vincent before pouring in some of the water from the pitcher. Asha unwrapped the food she’d gotten from her aunt’s cousin and picked out some pieces of meat that seemed appropriate for the dog.

After having taken care of the dog as best they could, they all settled on the beds while Vincent ate, silently gazing into nothingness, the energy of the day having drained out of them. Kalani was staring straight ahead, unblinking, her hands clasped together in front of her face. She stayed like this for a while, no one daring to break the silence filled with her deep thoughts, before she took a deep breath and straightened.

KALANI: [sigh] I think we need to pool all our knowledge together before we can figure out how to proceed. I sent a message to Cass to let them know I’m alive. I’m not sure how much they’ll be able to help us right now but they might manage to gather some information that could help in the long run. I doubt we have the luxury to wait for an answer. Not with Silac strolling through the streets.

ASHA (mocking): And Logan’s friend hot on his heels.

Asha looked over at Logan and flashed him a devilish grin but Logan only dramatically rolled his eyes in return.

KALANI (pensive): Yeah. And we can’t forget about Inkra. We don’t know where she went after the attack outside of Halvint but with Micheal now tagging along with Silac, I’ve got a feeling she isn’t far.

RENA (small voice): He really didn’t look like he was doing too well.

Rena wasn’t sure how Michael had ended up looking so rough. Sure, Asha might have pushed him around a bit during their confrontation in Halvint but she was certain that it could not be the reason for his dreadful appearance. Someone else must have gotten to him since then.

LOGAN: Do you think he’d still be willing to show us where the Crow’s hideout is?

ASHA: Why the fuck would he?

LOGAN: I don’t know, Asha, but have you figured out where they’re hiding?

[small pause]

ASHA: (sigh) Not precisely. If I had more time I’m sure I could find someone who knows where they are. The fishers and dockworkers know more than people realize. Everything goes through the harbour, it’s impossible to hide stuff from the workers. They know about the Crow. They might not all know precisely who the Crow is or what they’re doing, but the Crow’s schemes are much less subtle than we think they are. We just need to find the correct people to talk to.

LOGAN: They’re not gonna lead us to the Crow for free, though.

ASHA: If we had a week, I’m certain I could find someone who’d help us with no expectations of return. But in our situation? … We might have to think about what we’d be willing to part with. Did you figure out where they’re hiding?

LOGAN: Not even close. We know a lot about Viscount Zarkid’s upcoming wedding and his three husbands though.

ASHA: How’s that supposed to help us, Logan?

LOGAN: Well, as it turns out, one of the husbands is family with the Zawarecs who weasled their way into controlling the military academy who are also family with Silac.

ASHA: … and?

LOGAN: Nothing. That’s about it.

ASHA (annoyed): That’s it?

KALANI (pensive): I’ll have to hear more about this later. It’s not going to help us now but I haven’t considered how connected Silac is yet, even if his branch of the family is disgraced.

FINN: They’re not officially disgraced, just disliked by a lot of people.

Everyone looked over at Finn but he simply stared straight ahead at a spot on the floor. It had been the first time he’d said anything since they’d reunited. They waited for him to say more but he stayed silent.

KALANI: Well, … either way, who knows what all these connections imply for the kingdom. As far as I know, the Zawarecs aren’t the most well-liked family in general. They just have a lot of power. But that doesn’t matter to us right now. We have a vague idea where the Crow should be, we could try our luck and search for them on our own. I really don’t know what the best option is right now.

Three paths lay in front of us, on which the story could continue.

• On the first path, the companions try to get out of Hrevim as quickly as possible and find the Crow’s hideout on their own
• On the second path, the companions try to find a contact at the docks who could show them the way
• On the third path, the companions try to reconnect with Michael to find the way

You can cast your vote by going to the show’s twitter page, the tumblr page, or on theheartpyre.com. You have until November 23rd to cast your vote.

I wanted to apologize once more for the delay between episodes. I didn’t expect that starting this new job would disrupt my production habits so much. I’ll try my best to be more consistent in the future and to stay much closer to the initial release schedule. We’re nearing the end of the season so it would be highly annoying if it took another six months to finish it.

As always, if you like this podcast, consider leaving a review or supporting it on Ko-Fi or Patreon. You can also get the novelization of the first season as an ebook and paperback from most major retailers.

You can find transcripts for each episode, character art, and a map of the kingdom on theheartpyre.com.

The intro music is Lonely Dusty Trail by Jon Presstone.

The Heart Pyre is written and produced by me, Audrey Martin.

Thank you for listening.

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